Revenge of the Hamster

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Booth Problems

As if you needed proof that Michael Moore was a big, fat, stupid white man, the highly regarded NW provides proof:

Controversial Michael Moore was hoping to enjoy a meal in one of Musso and Frank's cosy booths. However the 150 kg plus star was unable to squeeze himself between the seat and table. 'He was forced to pull up a chair'.
Or two. Who knows?

Anyhoo, this latest event is just another in a long line of Bush / SwiftBoat conspiracy activity.

Goddamn Mekong conspirators interfering in the fat man's ability to gorge.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Upcoming Absence

The Hamster will be away from Wednesday through to Saturday of this week at a university residential.

Between coping with my stupid syndicate members, trying to fit in a decent amount of exercise (this place has a pool, tennis court, running track – I’m in exercise heaven) and, oh yeah, study, I won’t be updating this journal.

I will save the anger though and return with a VENGEANCE on Saturday.

I have much to vent: Rock Against Howard (it's not so much the message as the diabolical caterwauling used to deliver it), the latest John Kerry war hero trash-talking, and why Mark Latham's singular testicle reveals much about his inability to rationally debate anything.

A chilling prophecy?

This came to me as I slept last night.

A chilling prophecy of life under Labor?

Am I the new Nostradamus? Hamsteramus? Who knows?

I think the tortured souls of Liverpool City Council rate payers are using me as a conduit to spread the word...

There once was a boof called Mark Latham,
who worshipped a boof called Gough Whitlam.
Adopting Gough’s way,
Of leading our economy astray,
Mark Latham, our taxes, he waste-em.

Limericks are so underrated as a form of political protest.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Fat man yaps despite knowing nothing...

Phillip Adams reckons that Australia is in the midst of an 'allergic reaction to people who [are] black, brown and yellow'.

With intolerance a transmissible disease, bigotry became bubonic. Overnight, millions of Australians caught it.
Naturally, this is the fault of John Howard.

Adams cites a long-ago interview between John Howard and John Laws in which Mr Howard said:

probably a greater concentration [of Asians]... in particular parts of the country
Which is not untrue. A trip down to Springvale or Richmond in Melbourne will confirm that there are large pockets of centralised Asian communities in Australia. Rightly or wrongly. They are there.

In the crazy-whacky world of the left, however, to confirm this fact is 'racism'.

But I digress. The fat man is on a roll:

The primary symptom was delirium - people started having nightmares about boat people, thinking they were infectious, that we'd catch fundamentalism or terrorism.
Many of us mourn the country’s loss of idealism and are joining in a vigil.

If you loved the tolerant, progressive Australia and would like to see it breathe again, perhaps you’d care to join us.

I really hate white self-flagellators like Phillip Adams talking about racism in this country.

In fact, I question any white person who bemoans alleged widespread racism against ethnicities.

The only people who are able to comment with any credibility on the perceived racism of white Australia are its victims.

Of which I am one.

So let me set the record straight. And hopefully answer Phillip Adams and others perpetuating a strange self-hatred campaign on our behalf.

I have suffered the indignity of racist behaviour at the hands of white Australia. It was not nice and it has left enduring scars.

But, if this country truly was the hell Phillip Adams portrays it to be, my family and I would have left a long time ago.

We didn't.

And why?

Because Australians are good, honest and decent people who try their hardest to welcome all.

Because Australia has given my family a life they could never have dreamed of back in their country of origin. My father faced a life of manual drudgery. In Australia, he has enjoyed a life of endless possibilities and enjoyed rich rewards.

Because in Australia we have the freedom to vote, to speak, and to live our lives without fear. My father has the scars of whippings on his back that remind him on a daily basis how lucky he is to live here. A daily reminder of the pain and violence he faced because of his religion. And a reminder of the gift this country, and its wonderful people, gave him the day they allowed him to become a citizen.

Because this country is tolerant and progressive. Phillip Adams should try living in my parents' country of origin for a year. Then he will realise just how bloody lucky he has it.

I can tell you, as a black person living in Australia, my beloved nation is not a land of ignorant, redneck racists. My nation is not one where I have once felt that I did not belong.

To Phillip Adams. When you speak of racism, please restrict your comments to that which you know. You have not walked a day in a black person's shoes. If you had, you would not feel compelled to compose the rubbish that you do. And you would get down on your knees and thank the nation that allows people like you to live here.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Happy Dancing Continues

John Kerry is still happy dancing. I bet those North-Vietnamese Americans are happy to hear that.

In response to those pesky Swift Boat Veterans, Kerry has released his own video. It includes some of his war records, but not all (until he is truthful about his war record, his service will always be under scrutiny), and positive testimonials from a handful of Swift Boat Veterans (who he is, coincidentally, shipping around the country on his election campaign).

Unfortunately, there is no Wu Tang Clan to gravel pit the proceedings, so the advertisement is not very interesting.

In launching the advertisement, Kerry said this of the Swift Boat Veterans:

More than 30 years ago, I learned an important lesson - when you're under attack, the best thing to do is turn your boat into the attacker. That's what I intend to do today.

I wonder if he learned this lesson before or after he shot the wounded and fleeing Vietcong soldier in the back?

They're a front for the Bush campaign. And the fact that the President won't denounce what they're up to tells you everything that you need to know - he wants them to do his dirty work.

One could just substitute 'President' for 'Caged Hamster' and you would have a statement reminiscent of Kerry's recent reliance upon Michael Moore and his supporters.

Despite ardent plees from within the Democrats for Kerry to distance himself from the lies of the Big Fat Stupid White Man, he allowed Michael Moore to speak at the recent Democratic National Convention in Boston.

All the while, F911 is showing in cinemas.

All the while, two more books denouncing Bush from the unstoppable man mountain are due out before election time.

One could say that if the Swift Boat Veterans are a front for the Bush Campaign, then Michael Moore and Co are a front for the Kerry Campaign.

What's the difference John? They are both campaigning. In a time-honoured convention of campaigning for your candidate.

I can tell you the difference because I am an astute Hamster. The difference is that John clearly enjoys a good fisticuffs but only when he is in the position of directing the punches.

Like shooting the wounded Vietcong soldier in the back, Kerry only likes battles he knows he can win.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Week in Review 15/08/2004

Why the left are stupid

I have little…. no, make that no patience for the left. For good reason.

I mentioned to a leftie friend that 43 Iraqis had written a highly eloquent statement as to why John Howard was right to go to war, in response to the daiquiri diplomats.

He dismissed these Iraqis as 'ignorant'.

When I then advised him to perhaps speak to Iraqis as to why a large majority believe the war was just, he said ‘I don’t need to speak to Iraqis to know what is good for them’.

And therein lies the obscene arrogance and misguided nature of the left. They KNOW what is good for everyone. They KNOW what is right for everyone. And thank Christ they don’t influence anything.

The Final Countdown

Next week I start uni again. For the last semester, after which I will have my MBA.

It’s not so much that I don’t like the course, because I do – immensely. I just don’t fancy some of the people in my syndicate group.

I don’t like that one guy constantly turns up late and then huffs and puffs when the rest of us want to finish on time.

I don’t like that one girl is the laziest f*cker in modern history. Her contribution last semester? A two line email. Other than that, she’s not done a damn thing but has let the rest of us do the work for her.

Bring on November 30th – my final day.

Another adventure at Pireaus Blues

You may remember I gushed about Pireaus Blues. Well, I went back on Friday night. Because it was the eve of the Olympic Opening Ceremony, the staff were ON FIRE. Yeah, not literally but you know what I mean. Free Ouzo for our table. Much props to the ‘Blues.

Gimp Update

I was overjoyed at the Gimp losing his car but now he’s got it back. Which means he is in the office a full 30 minutes earlier, giving him plenty of time in which to drive me crazy.

In response to the fact that my boss praised me for being so health-conscious (I eat a sugar free, white flour free, red meat free diet plus I run 40 minutes every day – sometimes away from the Gimp), the Gimp is now attempting to emulate. He wants me to invite him on my jogs around the Tan. Yeah likely. I’ll invite him the day he invites me to lunch.

I have not ever despised a work colleague with such intensity, except my very first boss in the Australian Public Service who bullied me into ulcers, grey hair and a near nervous breakdown.

I have decided to try and avoid the Gimp where possible. And hope that he someday disappears, never to return.

And that was a very quiet week in review...

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Less Happy Dancing, More Sensitivity

John Kerry wants to fight a more 'sensitive war' on terror. As distinct from happy dancing.

Let's have a quick, and potentially confusing, trek through Kerry's role in the war on terror so far. Confusing as in, how many flips could a flip-flop flip if a flip-flop could flop ...whatever.

The Peter Garret-flop-on-ova Routine

Kerry authorised the Dubya's war on Iraq as early as October 2002. In a newly invented gymnastic move, the Peter Garrett-flop-on-ova, he is now crazy mad at Dubya.

He [Bush] certainly misled America about nuclear involvement, and he misled America about the types of weapons that were there, and he misled America about how he would go about using the authority he was given.
To pre-emptive strike or not

Kerry believes in pre-emptive strikes. Or maybe he doesn't. Or maybe he does so long as there is 'sufficient intelligence' to suggest that such action is necessary.

Which could potentially mean, given the overall unreliability of intelligence as a 100% accurate predictor, that we'd all be dead before he gets around to pre-emptive striking.

All we can do is hope and pray that he and Ben Affleck can enervate humanity.

We can do what we like, so long as France says it's ok

On one hand, Kerry is a trash-talking hard man:
I will never allow any other country to veto what we need to do and I will never
allow any other institution to veto what we need to do to protect our nation
On the other hand, he displays a level of cowardice reserved only for the French, Spanish, Kiwis and, occasionally, the Canadians, when he attacks Dubya for his decision to 'needlessly go it alone'.

Kids, with Kerry in power, and in the pockets of the French/Spanish/[Insert Coward Country Here], forget about self-protection. Subscribing to the UN as an arbitrator, the US, or any other decent country, will only be able to protect themselves so long as upstanding Sudan, Zimbabwe, China (and all other rogue nations) say they can.

The problem with Kerry, as I see it, is that he has no clue. About anything. Except hair and touching John the time.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

War ‘hero’ told to stop happy dancing

Who’d have thunk (sic) it?

John Kerry’s hot-dogging, rock-star antics about his Tour of Duty in Vietnam have not gone down well with Vietnamese Americans.

‘I'm all about letting bygones be bygones but how many times is he going to brag about him and his buddies mowing down uncle Charlie and doing the happy dance?’

‘Kerry wasn't drafted like my father, he chose to kill'

Goddamn oversensitive Vietnamese. Don’t they know Kerry’s a HERO?

At any rate I’d be careful if I was Kerry.

These two don't look exactly friendly. Posted by Hello

And they’re armed.

Photo taken from Glossy News

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

What happens when you eat mummy's lipstick...

I recently joined the Australian Blogging Alliance, formed by Mike Jericho.

The purpose of the ABA is to newer or less-well-known Australian Bloggers get ahead and get attention.

This is the core focus of the Alliance, and is our only real stipulation. If you wish to join the Alliance, you must link to all the other members.
Sound reasonable? I thought so....

Unfortunately, a strange little creature, has taken exception to this most reasonable of alliances.

Guns, intoxication, self-righteousness and irrational abuse of one's fellow blogosphere inhabitants just aren't up my alley. Have fun, chaps and do keep your hands to yourselves.
Irrational abuse? Niall should know...
These four shots are the result of an ignorant, slitty-eyed, slimy little Landcruiser-driving vietnamese prick which tried to squeeze past me on the freeway entry ramp this morning.
But please, don't allow me to influence you.

To see the original salvo, click here....

To see Mike's response, click here....

I think it's pretty obvious as to who has been eating mummy's lipstick again.

Week in Review 07/08/2004

After a debilitating and crushing illness (yeah ok, it was a cold), the Hamster was up and at ‘em again this week.

Gimp Update

Whoever said that wishing hard enough or praying to God doesn’t work was goddamn wrong.

The Gimp’s car blew up. Unfortunately, not enough so that he too was blasted but enough to inconvenience him immensely and force him into the indignity of public transport.

I could pick him up on the way to and from work. But I won’t. My car is a no gimp zone.

A trip to the hospital

In a totally unrelated illness to the one I had last week, I made a visit to a doctor to identify why I have felt so crappy lately (tired, hungry, desperate for a spinning wheel and a pile of hay…).

After I talked for 20 minutes about what I thought was the problem and that I needed blood tests (a control freak like me always indulges in self-diagnosis – it makes me feel better), the doctor agreed. What the hell was her $40 consultation fee for?

Anyhoo, Saturday comes and I can’t eat before the test. Goddamn. So I figure, I’ll go to the Pathology Unit early and ‘beat the rush’.

No such luck. I underestimate old people. There were at least five pensioners before me, three of whom were carrying suspicious looking buckets of yellow liquid.

It wasn’t so much the liquid but the explanation of one of the pensioners that had me dry retching:

Nurse: Is that your urine sample, Mr Pee-A-Lot

Mr Pee-A-Lot: Yes.

Nurse: Great *takes bucket away from Mr Pee-A-Lot*

Mr Pee-A-Lot: When can I get it back?

Nurse: You’ll have to see your GP for the test results. Give it about a week and…

Mr Pee-A-Lot: No, when do I get my bucket back? I keep my cereal in that.

Someone get that man a new bucket STAT.

Issues with disabled people

A friend of mine has ongoing issues with disabled people.

A year ago, she yelled at a young boy on the tram to give her his seat (in Oz, the young have to give up their seats for adults) before realising that he was actually a student at the School for the Deaf and never heard her request.

Then she fought with a blind man who knocked her with his cane. She yelled at him and told him to ‘watch where you’re f*cking going’.

Last week she emailed me and said ‘I had another incident with a deaf person’. I see her Friday night. Should be yet another fascinating journey into the mind of a serial torturer.

And that was the week in review….

Saturday, August 07, 2004

Helen's Legacy

I am not a fan of Helen Clark. That is not unusual in itself. Ms Clark was voted the least kissable woman in New Zealand.

However, it appears that many in New Zealand are finding her increasingly amenable, even if she does not measure up for a decent pash.

Helen's popularity has increased since she hissy-fitted over allegations of Israeli spies attempting to obtain fraudulent passports.

Why the hissy fit I am not sure. I imagine that the market for New Zealand passports is most definitely a buyer's one. She should be grateful that people want to live there and are willing to commit forgery.

But I digress. In short, Helen's yapping is now reaping some frightening rewards.

One day after she spat the dummy and froze diplomatic relations with Israel, 16 historic Jewish headstones were smashed in Wellington.

On Friday, over 90 graves were desecrated and a Jewish chapel set alight.

Good work Helen. Not only unkissable but a danger to your own citizens.

It is one thing to want to protect the integrity of your nation. I think we can all reach consensus that protection of national interests is an expectation we have of our leaders.

What none of us expect, nor should tolerate, is cheap political point scoring at the expense of others, particularly when the consequence is the desecration of something so sacred.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Separated at Birth?

Eurovision. United Nations. Separated at birth?

I provide the facts. You decide.

Point 1: Both have a corrupt voting system

You will note that, in Eurovision, competency, ability and/or musical talent has little to nothing to do with voting. This is because there are three main voting blocks: a Western Bloc (England, Ireland, France, Holland, Belgium and Luxembourg), a Northern Bloc (the Scandinavian countries plus Germany) and a Mediterranean Bloc (Turkey, Italy, Spain, Yugoslavia, Greece and Cyprus.) Countries will, for the most part, vote for other countries within their bloc.

Greece vote for Cyprus.
Cyprus vote for Greece.
Neither vote for Turkey (I wouldn't either. Turkey normally produces... well.... turkeys).

The UN has three voting blocs: Good Guys (US, Britain, Australia, Israel), Bad Guys (France, New Zealand, Germany, all other coward states including Spain), and the Irrelevant Guys (New Zealand overlaps here). And, like Eurovision, they vote within their Blocs. This was evidenced recently when the good guys voted to allow Israel to defend themselves. The bad guys (including those peaceful little suicide bomber states) voted it be pulled down so that they can continue to slaughter Israelis.

Point 2: By the time they start, everyone is dead

Because of an explosion in the number of European states, Eurovision now operates in 'rounds' where lesser countries are knocked out, leaving 24 for the grand final. These rounds are excruciatingly long and remarkably pointless, given that some countries (England, France, Germany) are guaranteed of a place in the final, regardless of merit.

The UN is no stranger to pointless chit-chat leading to an inevitable conclusion.

How long did it fart around on Bosnia, Rwanda, Timor, Iraq and now the Sudan? It knew it needed to go in and yet, sat around passing resolutions. Good work kids. How many millions dead?

Point 3: Used by the awful and mundane

Let's face it. Last year's Eurovision winner from the Ukraine. She had jiggly boobies and short pants on but was she a decent singer? What her song reflective of artistic merit? I have no idea. We just turned the sound off and watched her jiggle. Eurovision is a platform for otherwise powerless EU states to get their time in the sun.

As is the UN for those cheeky rogue states. It must be some terrible joke that both Sudan and Zimbabwe are on the UN Human Rights Committee. Surely.

Point 4: Irrelevant to world peace

Eurovision. That's a given. If anything, were it not for Terry Wogan's soothing words, we'd have a world war on our hands.

UN. Yet another given. The UN has proven itself unable to fulfill its mandate. It's up to the Good Guys to do that.

So there you have it folks. Bloody compelling evidence if you ask me.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

When teachers attack....

Every year, Australian students participate in a competition called Rock Eisteddfod.

The Rock Eisteddfod Challenge® is a unique and exciting opportunity for schools to take part in a dance, drama and design spectacular where the students are the STARS.

While the competition is ostensibly open to all, I remember as a student that our school was actively discouraged from participating because we had no business as a rich (and apparently wealthy) private school competing against poor (and apparently disadvantaged) public schools.

That's reverse discrimination for you. Advantage the poor by disadvantaging the rich. That way, everyone can become poor, but at least we'll be equal. That makes sense in a lefty world.

Anyhoo, most years it passes without anything significant. After all, it IS just a bunch of poor kids running around in crepe paper. Who cares?

This year is different.

Davidson's High School has compiled a piece on Iraq which, among other things, suggest that:

  • the Coalition lied about the reasons to go to Iraq;
  • the Coalition was wrong to enter Iraq; and
  • Tony Blair and John Howard are puppets to Dubya.
Of course, no celebration of the liberation of an oppressed people, nor depiction of the 1 million killed by Saddam.

In the crazed world of the left, the end does not justify the means. The end can only be justified if the left says it is.

The students claim that they came up with the idea themselves and that it was not forced upon them.

Mmmm, let's think that through shall we?

Davidson's High School is a public school, complete with members of the NSW Teaching Union. The union, in its position on Iraq, has stated:

"The NSW Teachers Federation unequivocally opposes the war on Iraq. This war could lead to the deaths of hundreds and thousands of innocent children and citizens."

"The Federation condemns the authoritarian regime of Saddam Hussein. War however, will cause more devastation and create an even greater humanitarian disaster than currently exists."

"Our students will be asking for guidance and reassurance. Teachers should deal with their concerns by involving students in discussions which link to the values all teachers try to develop in their students:

  • Respect for human life and the rule of law
  • The avoidance of conflict and resolution of problems by peaceful means
  • Recognition of and tolerance for cultural and religious
What's the bet that it was the teachers who influenced the students' ignorance about the war?

According to David Giblin, spokesman of the Parents and Citizen's Association,

We don't object to students involving themselves in making public comment on any social issue
Particularly when that comment suits Mr Giblin's agenda. He too is a member of the NSW Teacher's Union, who believe in the illegality of the war in Iraq.

I'm seeing a pattern.

Then of course, there is the principal of the school, Chris Bonner. Yet another unionist. Surprise surprise.

These kids didn't stand a chance. Between their leftie teachers and their leftie principal, they were always going to produce that rubbish.

The question is, why should this be allowed in a public school?

Public schools cannot influence religious persuasion yet they can provide one-sided, biased untruths?

And, even if you believe in an issue personally, what makes you think that you can impart that opinion on impressionable children? What makes you so sanctimonious about your opinion that you believe that undue influence is appropriate?

Hamster Ropable.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004


In the Australian, the Spanish Ambassador to Australia, in defence of his country’s cowardly retreat from Iraq, states:

'What is a real danger for all of us is to allow terrorists to dictate not only what we should or should not do, but even what we should think.’
He makes a good point. Pity then that his country did not live these words when they capitulated to fear and withdrew from Iraq.

Hand it back then love….hand it back

The SMH can’t help itself. If someone, let’s make that anyone, criticizes the Howard Government it makes their front page / website.

In the latest, Kirsty Sword Gusmao, is ashamed that she is an Australian citizen.

Simple solution to that love. Hand the citizenship back and we will give it to someone who is not ashamed.

You won’t be missed.

Week in Review 01/08/2004

A quiet week for the Hamster…

Being sick sucks

Try and say that three times in a row.

Winter caught up with me with the result that I have spluttered, coughed and sneezed myself into never never land (p.s. Peter Garrett sends his love), leaving me little time for blogging.

I'm a little soldier

Racked with pain, I still managed to keep an active social life. I'm such a little soldier.

Anyone in Melbourne, or anyone who will one day travel to my lovely hometown, Pireaus Blues in Fitzroy is, without question, one of Melbourne's best Greek Restaurants.

I went last Wednesday and gorged myself on taramasalata, saganaki and fried calamari. Truly a great feed, despite the fact that I probably infected half the restaurant.

The Gimp: An Update

The Gimp now fancies himself a prankster. As a result, I have been subjected to an inordinate amount of 'joke emails' followed by the Gimp hysterically laughing at himself for being so clever.

I was, however, able to wreak a small amount of exacted revenge last week. During one of my casual chats with my boss, he asked me if the Gimp had asked me out for lunch, as promised. I said he hadn't.

The Gimp, being the Mrs Mangel that he is, was listening in at the time. It was a true Mastercard Moment: priceless.

He stuttered and spluttered and then promised that he would invite me.

It's now Tuesday and still no invite. Any reason I despise him?

Husband’s new do

Husband normally shaves his head. However, frightened at the thought of turning 30, he's now gone all funky-student-union on me and shaved everything except a mohawk strip along the top of his head.

It's hot. Kinda. support is awesome

Much gratitude to my man Steve in Blogger Support who fixed the retardo bizarro issues with this blog.

And that was a very quiet and boring week in review

Monday, August 02, 2004

Only a few months ago, Toni Collette opined the state of Australian films:

'I just beg you, Mr John Howard, to just see straight and not jeopardise our cultural future' .

This in response to what Ms Collette sees as our Australian 'cultural identity' being under threat from Hollywood.

She got a standing ovation from a rapturous, bum-licking AFI crowd for this.

Funny then that Ms Collette has, in the past, never shied away from making the Hollywood shlock that she now begs our Prime Minister to stop.

Just for the record, Ms Collete's US Film Biography:

  • The Sixth Sense
  • The Pallbearer (with Gwyneth Paltrow and David Schwimmer - bet that was a winner)
  • Emma
  • Clockwatchers
  • The James Gang
  • Shaft
  • Dinner with Friends
  • Changing Lanes (with the natural heir to George Hamilton's over-tanned, over-sexed bravado - Ben Affleck)
  • About a Boy (granted this is more an English film. Doesn't make it any less shocking)
  • The Hours
  • Connie and Carla
  • The Last Shot

Mmmm, that's at least 12 I counted.

I guess her attachment to our cultural identity is outweighed by the need to pay the bills on that $5 million mansion she has in Sydney. It's a tough life. We should feel sorry for her. I guess.

In even worse news, she's also planning to sing:

"I did musicals as a child and they're the kind of movies I liked to watch and then I just got into film and it fell by the wayside," Collette said. "It is just something that I haven't had the time to pursue but it seems to kind of be coming into its own time recently.

"This is something that I'm controlling and I will just take my time and I am working with a really great group of musicians," she said. "It just feels very natural and very easy and very enjoyable and I am really liking it having that organic quality."

Organic? Sounds painful. I'd hate to be in the studio after a mung-bean jam session.

I just hope she won't sing anything that might impinge on our cultural identity. I bet there's alot of ghetto-sh*t to sing about when you live in Bellevue Hill.

'I live in da ghetto... Prime Minister I just lost my stiletto.... up Spielberg's ass-o'.

Yeah I'm still unwell. Flu gets the Hamster indignant and smelly.