Revenge of the Hamster

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Jacques gets bizzaaaayyyyy

Jacques Chirac has ordered the mobilisation of French troops stationed in Chad to be made ready for entry into Sudan,

'without waiting for the response of the international community.'

Noble sentiment one would think. Racing in to help the Sudanese who are so desperately in need of saving.

However, where the Frenchies are concerned (and I say this being one quarter French - the sexy, buxom wench quarter that is), there is always an ulterior motive.

After all, the Chirac himself defiled the US over Iraq, saying:
'to favour the use of force over law, is taking a heavy responsibility'

Of course, France was so engrossed in profiteering from Iraqi misery through the Food for SPOilS program that it was in its best interests to object.

Africa is another matter altogether. Funnily enough, France has a vested interest in ensuring that its African interests are protected. That is, the French seek to, among other things:

  • obtain strategic natural resources essential for French heavy industry;
  • stabilise African nations so as not to disturb France's economic success in heavy industry, including adherence to UN conventions (the UN may be impotent but responding to those pesky declarations takes time and destabilises an already impatient population); and
  • erode US supremacy in Africa. An increase in military and economic activity has seen the French suffer, both economically and reputation-wise, thus impacting their other activities where they are seen as inferior to the US.

Any wonder then that Jacques is wetting his knickers to get into Sudan?

How much money on NZ being the next to throw their defence force (all five of them) into the fray?

NB. No bets will be honoured as I have no idea what those crazy NZers are going to do. Rugby is on this weekend so international crises may have to wait.

Phillip Adams gets busted... for being a dumb-ass

Phillip Adams is indeed a scary creature. And not just because is an aesthetically unpleasing Michelin Man.

This week, in the crazy world of Phillip Adams, he wants us to believe that the attrocities against his people weren't all that bad:

Yes, Saddam gassed the Kurds. Yes, an unknown number of Iraqi citizens were
tortured and slaughtered.

Apparently, Phillip is defending Saddam. Sure, not THAT MANY were murdered, according to the learned Phil. So why worry?

I can imagine Phil saying these things over a long, booze ridden lunch at a fashionable Japanese restaurant with Margoid and Alan.

Immune from the reality of a Saddam-led Iraq, and comfortably ensconced in a civilised country with plenty of alcohol, Phillip can afford to dismiss the lives lost at the hands of Saddam.

His anti-US hatred has him so warped that he defends a dictator rather than the man who liberated a devastated people.

Make sense? Nah, it doesn't to me either.

Luckily, Christopher Hitchens saves the day:
But when I stood on the mass grave at Hilla, near Babylon, about a year ago, I
was upset not just by the huge number of cadavers, which by the way ran into the
thousands. I was upset by the relatives who'd had to wait a decade to inspect
the place, and who had found that the water table had washed a lot of the bodies
away. A possible shred of clothing, or fragment of an identity card, is not much
consolation in these circumstances. Indeed, many of the relatives had acted
against their own interests, here as elsewhere, by rushing to the site as soon
as the murderer had fallen, and by digging with their bare hands.

Perhaps we should all put in $5 each and send Phil to Iraq to confront these lying little Iraqis who claim to have lost their relatives.

"You haven't lost any relatives. See, they're all hidden under my cavernous arm pits. Wooah, watch yourself there little Achmed. Anything I find I eat".

Apologies for the retarded state of this blog...

As you may have noticed, there are some bizarro retardo things going on with this blog.

A help(!!!!!!!!!!!!) request has been logged and hopefully, should be sorted out within the next week.

If there is a smarty out there who can tell me why the formatting and links are buggering up, please email me at

I will soldier on, as all good hamsters on the path of revenge do.

Thursday, July 29, 2004

Can you spot the difference?

The Hamster accepts no liability for this.

But let me know how you go anyway.

And furthermore...

One would think I had a vendetta against the UN. Yes. Yes I do.

Foxy lady Janet Albrechtsen reports:

...for any country contemplating self-defence against terrorists, the news from UN headquarters is grim. The International Court of Justice, a central part of the UN system, recently opined that legitimate self-defence extends only to the actions of one state against another state. That means self-defence against a non-state, such as al-Qa'ida, is not allowed under Article 51 of the UN charter.

The UN system works to legitimate rather than obliterate terrorism. In 2002, the UN Commission on Human Rights voted 40 to five to support the use of "all available means, including armed struggle" to achieve a Palestinian state. The resolution condemned "mass killings" of Palestinian civilians by Israelis yet said nothing about Palestinian terrorism aimed at Israeli civilians.

But then, as Anne Bayefsky from Toronto's York University points out, UN official pronouncements are all pretty much one-way traffic against Israel. "Over the past 40 years, almost 30 per cent of the resolutions passed by the UNCHR to condemn specific states have been directed at Israel." The UNCHR has not passed a single resolution against China, Syria, Bahrain, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan or Zimbabwe.

Last year, says Bayefsky, the wider UN bureaucracy produced 22 reports and formal notes on "conditions of Palestinians and other Arab citizens living under Israeli occupation" and the General Assembly passed 18 resolutions criticising Israel. The rest of the world attracted only four country-specific resolutions raising human rights concerns.

As I have said previously, the UN is simply incapable of achieving its mandate. It has been for a long time.

But hey, it still services a purpose for cowards and rogues. What a comforting thought.


Apologies for the lack of posting. 

The Hamster was unwell but remained committed to an active social life, leaving no time for blogging.  Only sleeping and gorging.  

Monday, July 26, 2004

Happy Birthday

John Winston Howard.  65 today.  And still hot.

Happy Birthday Prime Minister.  You’re a bloody legend

UN = Useless Nonsense

Mark Steyn relates why the UN are a bunch of useless f*ckers.

The problem is, by the time you've gone through the UN, everyone's dead.

The UN system is broken beyond repair. The Security Council was unable to agree even on a resolution merely expressing some criticism of the Sudanese Government - China, Pakistan and Algeria scuppered that. In May, even as its proxies were getting stuck into their ethnic cleansing in Darfur, Sudan was elected to a three-year term on the UN Human Rights Commission. This isn't an aberration: Zimbabwe is also a member. The very structure of the UN, under which countries vote in regional blocs, encourages such affronts to decency. The Sudanese representative immediately professed himself concerned by human rights abuses at Guantanamo Bay and Abu Ghraib.

I have a friend who, probably due to ignorance and lack of formal education (which renders him unable to constructively contribute to objective discussion), honestly believes in the latent good of the UN.  He believes that the US should get out of Iraq and leave it to the UN to manage.

I think we can all agree that having an international arbitrator is a decent idea.  But when that arbitrator proves itself unable, and/or unwilling, to arbitrate and chooses to merely appease noisy rogue states, then serious reconsideration of its role in international affairs is required.

The UN f*cked up Rwanda.  The UN f*cked up Bosnia.  Their snouts were so deep in Food for Oil gorging that they failed to protect the Iraqi people.

The UN is flawed to the point that it is no longer a potent and viable institution.  It is used by rogue states to prop up their governments and used by cowards such as France and New Zealand to further populist agendas and keep their piss-weak governments in power.  It is rarely used to power initiatives with positive long-term benefits.

What makes people like my friend think that the UN is suddenly capable of assisting the Sudan when it still has the blood of millions on its grubby paws?

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Week in Review 25/07/2004

A new entry to the Grudge List
My boss.  Isn't everyone's boss on their grudge list at one time?

I am a statistician by trade.  So I know a little about numbers and mathematical methods.

So when I suggested to a colleague that they use a weighted average to even out deviancies in a data range, my boss chimed in and said 'No, weighted averages won't help'. 

What the f*ck would he know?  He used to be a used car salesman who happened to get in good with our GM after a bawdy conference on the Gold Coast.  Which happens.  Apparently.

This is a man who thinks felafel is ethnic food.  What the...?

I don't appreciate being dismissed, particularly when I know I'm right.

Anyway my colleague tried the weighted average and it worked.  So there.

Gimp Update

The Gimp survived the week - just.

I still despise him and am trying to identify legal ways to remove him.

The Hamster will prevail.  

I bought a new toothbrush on Saturday.  Ya, it was exciting.

A touching toilet moment
I was having dinner Friday night at Blue Train in Southgate.

Blue Train is a funky little place with great good, pounding music and grimy waiters.  I highly recommend the #4 pizza with olives and mushrooms.

I happened to be in the toilet when the Big Brother eviction was on.  When Gretski announced that Ryan was the evictee, I whooped from inside my cubicle.  As did my neighbours in the other cubicles. 

We then hugged and danced around the toilet.

Only in Melbourne would you hug strangers in the bog AND do a little victory dance.

More zoo expenses
Winston cost us a further $100 this week.  As a consequence of getting his love juicers removed, he caught a virus. 

Frothing and lethargy is not a good look.  Neither was Husband's face when the vet told him the bill.

And that was the week in review...

Everybody's Freeeeeee to get Dopey

Australian politicians are obsessed with drugs.  No, not the fight against them, but who is the hardest for having used them.

First, Mark Latham admits that he did inhale marijuana.  He doesn't clarify when this occurred.  Given his paranoia (a common side effect of dope using) of the last few months, I suspect it wasn't long ago.

Yes I did, and I have got to own up, I also inhaled - so there you go. How about that?

How about that.

And now, Latho's nemesis Tony Abbott admits he has also smoked marijuana but, like that horny hick Clinton, did not inhale.
I don't inhale normal cigarettes let alone illegal cigarettes ... I'm afraid in this matter Bill Clinton and I have something in common.

Tools.  Who gives a crap about their hooch history.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

Maybe tomorrow, I'll wanna settle down

Like the Littlest Hobo, only not as cute and without the catchy theme song, Margo is on her own.

‘G’day. I’ve just made a big change in my life – from August 14 I’ll be self employed. Under a package negotiated with Fairfax, I’m contracted to run Webdiary for three years and am free to write for whoever I like bar News Limited (as if!).  I’m also independent, and can speak to groups without permission from my former employer.  I’ve now done my grieving at leaving the organisation I’ve been in love with for decades, and as a child of working class parents am working through my fears of being destitute.  Once my accountant’s been through all the issues and I’ve worked out how to survive as a self-employed person, I’m bound to be a better writer, as until now I’ve always had the security of permanent employment.’

Why has this happened?

The SMH is in an embarrassing position with Margo, whose fierce anti-Howardism and political activism goes against the grain of the supposed independence of the SMH, as well as its employees code of conduct.

By cutting her loose, but continuing to let her run the WebDiary as a contractor, they no longer have to worry about objectivity.  She can write what she damn well pleases without having to worry if her work is researched, objective and sensible (not that a complete absence of the above criteria has ever stopped her). 

And the SMH can now deflect any accusations of breaching the code of conduct because she’s not on the SMH payroll as an employee.

At any rate, let’s give our Littlest Hobo a fitting farewell…

There’s a voice (many actually in Margo’s confused world),
That keeps on calling me.
Down the road,
Is where I’ll always be.
Every stop I make,
I’ll make a new friend
Can’t stay for long, just turn around and I’m gone again.
Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wanna settle down,
Until tomorrow, I’ll just keep moving on.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Where's Wally, oops Peter

Where is Peter Garrett

I have a theory.  Naturally.

Before Mary Donaldson married Crown Prince Frederick she had to go to 'Princess School' to learn how to be a Princess (including how to receive bouquets, how to open bridges / exhibitions / envelopes, and politics).

I think Peter Garrett is also at Princess School.

Rumour has it that the politics side is baffling him a little.

How much fun are we going to have watching this humble commoner turn into the Prince of Labor Politics?

And stay turned for more adventures of the Royal Labor Party starring:

  • Queen ‘Mummy they called me names’ Latham;
  • Prince Pixie Kevin Rudd who, much like Prince Andrew, is a little dim and two steps short of a staircase; and
  • Gough ‘Call me the Queen Mother and I’ll fart on ya quicker than Malcolm's trousers dropping' Whitlam.

The Gimp must be stopped

If the Gimp wants to see the end of this week, he better shut up and sit down or I will beat him up what good.

In further Really Annoying Gimp Experiences (aka RAGE):

  • he invited me for coffee yesterday morning because he thought he had 'offended' me.  'Offended' doesn't come close.  In the end, I ended up buying him a coffee and blueberry muffin.  I have never seen a poor muffin so mauled in the space of thirty seconds;
  • he had to go home at lunchtime yesterday to PAY A TRADESMAN.  Takes the WHOLE afternoon for a 10 minute transaction.  When I asked him why he didn't just let his wife pay the tradesman (after all, she does stay at home doing very little except drop and pick the kids up from school), he said SHE WASN'T SMART ENOUGH to do it.  This may be true, but he's no rocket scientist.  I'm scared that these numbnuts actually live close to me;
  • after promising our manager last week that he would introduce me to people around the office as I still don't know anyone, he hasn't done a damn thing even though there have been many opportunities.  The offer was made purely to impress our manager and that really sh*ts me because I thought he was genuinely going to help; and
  • he asked another colleague to 'suss' out if some office gossip was true or not.  Our colleague agreed, to which the Gimp replied 'Oh, don't mention that I want to know, but tell me when you find out'.  At which point, Hamster's patience ran out and I said 'If you want to indulge in petty office gossip, then why not ask people yourself instead of dragging others into it'.  I hate office gossip.  Office gossip peddled by the Gimp is even worse.

I wish we were in the Big Brother House and I could nominate him for eviction. 

'I nominate the Gimp for 60 billion points because he's an annoying Gimp.  It affects my time in the office because I fantasize pounding his lazy-ass head instead of focusing on my deadlines.'

How would you rid yourself of the GIMP?  Ease my RAGE.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

And in more NW Madness…

According to the NW Diet Club, we should eat more oily fish, olives, nuts and…. FLAXSEED OIL(?).

What the..?  Where do they get this stuff?

NW Enters the Michael Moore Fray

The last thing NW wants is to talk about Michael Moore.

This is an odd situation as: 

  • he is grotesquely obese and NW is obsessed with celebrity fatties; and 
  •  he has a tenuous grasp of the truth, much like NW.

You would think these two would be joined at the hip.

Alas, the work of Michael Moore is probably too challenging for the NW-bimbettes who find it far easier to roll out stories about Britney the Free-Balling Bride.

So imagine my excitement when I saw the F911 heading on the NW Discussion Board.  Finally, serious discussion!

'Tracey :-) ':

Don't believe negative press statements about this guy, he is the genuine article. 60 mins gave him 3 mins air time last night and it was a biased and unfair view.
Michael Moore has not said anything that isn't on the public record. Everything he says in this movie can be proven

What negative press statements?  The Australian press have been touching themselves madly over Michael Moore claptrap. 

'Tracey :-)' clearly lives in an alternate universe called 'I make stuff up' land.

Then, when confronted by some kindly souls with the fact that Michael Moore is indeed a big fat stupid white man, 'Tracey :-)' replies with

I have checked out that website and some others of a similar vein. Mostly republicans and NRA members who are doing their utmost to discredit Moore. I'm afraid it will take more than that to turn me off Michael Moore. There was nothing interesting or of value at this site. I guess we will just have to agree to disagree. But don't feel sad for me. I think it's great to believe in something this strongly. It's much better than being wishy washy or even worse....having no convictions at all.

Apparently, 'Tracey :-)' likes the truth, but only when that truth involves anti-Bush propaganda.

In the process, she proves that many Michael Moore fans are ignoramuses for whom truth is a subjective issue.

That'll learn me for believing, albeit briefly, that the NW Discussion Board was the place to go for serious, intelligent discussion.

Week in Review 18/07/2004

Inaugural Entry to the Grudge List (and it’s a doozie)

Hell, it's not just politicians and old poofs who sh*t this Hamster.  Regular people sh*t me too.
I am very democratic when it comes to grudges.  I bear them equally.

The Gimp is driving me to homicidal thoughts of postal proportions.  If there is one thing I can’t stand, it’s dishonest crawlers who play one face to ‘da man’ and another, less pleasant, face to their peers.  He was halfway bearable when I did not have to work with him on a daily basis.  Now that he is a member of my team, I find myself furiously chewing on the inside of my cheek in order to prevent a fully-fledged bitch slappin’. 

And he eats like a chimp.  On a team bonding trip to the Conservatory, I watched him demolish a kilo of shrimp like the wolf boy.  Somehow, the sauce that accompanied the shrimp ended up smeared all over his face.  Chimp.

The Petting Zoo Goes Loopy

Expensive week for the zoo-keepers.

Our littlest, Winston, got his knackers knicked (sic).  He was, and still is, not happy that we removed his love juicers.

Meanwhile, our oldest, The Tub, slit the back of his leg open and has been woefully pottering around with an Elizabethan collar to stop him mauling his own leg.  We have kept ourselves amused by watching him crash into door frames as he misjudges distance.

We have to do something to erase the unpleasant taste of $476 that the whole sorry saga cost.

Buffets Rule

Husband and I ventured south east a couple of weeks ago for a romantic getaway in the Mornington Peninsula.  During the drive through Frankston, Husband pointed out an All-You-Can-Eat establishment called Foodstar.  Unlike the Conservatory, which specializes in genteel all you can eat dining (yes I recognise the potential oxymoron), Foodstar is, well, not good.

Husband was convinced though.  “It’s only $11.  You can’t beat that price” he exclaimed incredulously. 

No but I wanted to beat him.

One step short of a long trough.  The sneeze guards did not exactly fill me with confidence, although they did placate me to a level of mild hysteria.

On the weekend, Husband decided that one buffet visit was simply not enough.  So we went to another buffet establishment, Iris Buffet.  I was not looking forward to it.

For whatever reason, maybe a freaky, female, hormone-related mood swing thing, I loved it. 

I gorged myself for over an hour, felt sick and still wanted more. 

As Husband says, ‘when they advertise the food in neon lights, you know you’re in for a good time’.  Indeed.  He’s a wise soldier.

And that’s the review for the week….

Monday, July 19, 2004

Old Poof Talks Sh*t

Why oh why do journos ask musicians for their opinions?
It's like two assholes chatting and nothing but sh*t being the result.
Sir Elton John, who reached his zenith with Kiki Dee in Don't go Breaking My Heart, bemoans the state of anti-war music:

"That's not happening now. As of this spring, there have been virtually no anti-war concerts - or anti-war songs that catch on, for that matter," he said.
Mmmm, let's review that shall we:
To All the Troups... , Old No. 8, Fish, Hiroshima & Lysistrata, Guantánamo Bay, Dancing With Armageddon, Everybody Loves a Holy War, Mutual Surrender, Morning Dew, Hearts Break, Stoddard, Spoiled Brat, ...Peace on Earth?, 10,000 Years, Where is the Love?, That's the News, Uncle Ted's Garage, Agenda for Century 21, Saddam Shame II,  Nick Fnord, Agent Orange, We Want Peace, Coalition of the Willing, Boom!, Cowper Wharf, Bin Laden, Bone Yard Parade, Filled With Love, The Final Straw, Fools Rule the World, No Blood For Oil , O No John,  Stop the War, We're the Enemy
That's 33 I counted.  Granted, 99% were written by retarded vegans and at least four sound like my nanna wheezing after watching Jamie Durie on The Block, but that's still 33 known and published songs on the Internet.   Who knows how many more are out there?
Ironically, not one celebrates the overthrow of Saddam.  Just how bad the coalition was for stopping him.   Naughty Coalition - Saddy was GOOD.
Sir Elton doesn't stop there.  The reason for the apparent absence of music is that musicians are:
"frightened by the current administration's bullying tactics when it comes to free speech".
Elton John = Old Fag With No Clue

Saturday, July 17, 2004

At least SOMEONE gets it...

No not sex although we Australians are randy and get plenty.
Tony Parkinson finally says in very clear English that, just because WMDs have not yet been found, this does not invalidate our presence in Iraq. 

Under United Nations Security Council resolutions, the burden of proof was on Saddam's regime, not the US-led allies, to establish beyond doubt Iraq had dismantled his weapons programs.

Iraq did not comply throughout the 1990s. It did not comply in 2002-03. Under Saddam, it was never going to comply.


Saddam Hussein, to the last, had strategic intent. We know this from the findings of illegal and undeclared missile programs. We know this from confirmation that Iraq had indeed been on shopping expeditions to Africa for uranium.

This is what the left just don't get, and what they absolutely refuse to get.  That they were wrong.  

Instamatic Karma

Five French citizens have been kidnapped in the Gaza Strip.
Jacques, who is going to help you now? 
The Canadians?  Too busy living with an inferiority complex, what with living next to the most powerful nation of earth.  Plus their navy needs some work.

He won't do much, even if he and his dinghy are committed.
New Zealand?  Well they're too pissed at Israel right now to even think about five sooky Frenchies in Gaza.
Spain?  No understando Frencho when it comes to saving others, no?  Muchos Corwardos.
Shame you didn't think of this before you turned tail and ran from Iraq.

The very countries that could help you, probably won't now.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Moore's craptacular film hits Australia

Michael Moore's  propaganda has hit Australia and the lefties from the SMH couldn't be happier:

Michael Moore is a great source of information - it's all true!
I only just saw "Bowling for Columbine" a couple of weeks ago and found it absolutely brilliant. I learned a hell of a lot.
The SMH doesn't stop there though.  For those democratic types, you can participate in a poll asking you to rate the low-talent fat ass.  Predictably, a great number love his work.  Make a difference though kids.  Let's turn that poll around!  Vote He's too over the top, whatever the hell that means.
Bob Brown, that palm-tree bending hood-rat, did not attend last night's premiere.  He attended a mysteriously worded 'special fundraising screening'
Who was he raising funds for?  The Age  is not saying. 
I just hope and pray it's to send Moore, himself, Latho and Kerry on a long, long holiday... preferably to New Zealand, land of the long white sh*t life.   
If you haven't already guess, I'm still an angry Hamster this evening.

Why NZ is a sh*thole... it's led by a sh*thead

Helen Clark, Prime Minister of New Zealand, has stated that New Zealand will now reduce contact with Israel after two Mossad spies were convicted of Passport Fraud.

Ooooh scary.  NZ is not going to talk to Israel as much.  Ouch.  I bet superpower Israel is real sad.  Sharon is probably pissing himself laughing.

Who cares when a country that is to Australia what Canada is to America (irrelevant and full of people who talk stupid) pulls its cowardly head even further up its own arse. 

Seriously, Helen, who gives a f*ck what you guys do anymore.  You may be appeasing the left in your own country, which keeps you in power and fush and chups (sic), but you're doing untold damage internationally to your nation's credibility. 

You’re no better than the French – cowardly and lazy.  The French redeem themselves (somewhat) through Chirac who provides us with entertainment Froggy Style.  You Helen merely confirm the worst characteristics of New Zealanders (and French for that matter)  small minded, isolationist and not capable of playing any significant role in the international arena because you’re too f*cking scared.

Give it 10 years and New Zealand will just be a small country that lies off the coast of Fiji.  Plus your weather sucks.  Plus we kick your whimpering asses at rugby.
This post has been brought to you by a tired, rain-soaked hamster. 
Contrary to popular opinion, I am not bitter.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

How to spend money

Three hours in a budget spending meeting. There's three hours of my life I won't be seeing again.

I don't NEED to know how to spend money. I've spent the last 29+ years blowing my parents' budget. And I'm damn good at it.

Hamster mad. Hamster hungry.


Ok, so the bright sparks on the Behind Big Brother forums are about as cluey as the BB contestants themselves. INDISCRIMINATE USE OF CAPS LOCK and inexorable !!!!!! marks abound in every post, exciting the young-ins but making this old warhorse writhe around in a Garrett-esque fit.

But this is something altogether more special.

According to Gerry, who wisely avoids describing himself, Big Brother House-twat Merlin is to be credited for the Government policy change regarding detention.

Of course it could just be a coincidence that all these kids got released just three weeks after Merlin's big protest.... but it's unlikely.

So all you people complaining and slagging off Merlin for doing what he did ..... he actually DID make an impact, and a bunch of refugee kids can now enjoy the freedom we all do.

I don't think there is any other BB contestent that deserves the respect Merlin does.

Mmmm. Gerry has been staying up too late and eating mummy's lipstick if he thinks an idiot protester who got it wrong managed to alter the direction of an Australian Government on the basis of a boorish, populist protest on a reality TV show.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

The gift that keeps on giving

Someone get this kid an agent.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

'Bush was wrong' says aging, unattractive man

The AGE today howls

Trump to Bush: You're Fired

Which is very cute except that Trump has never, ever, EVER (am I making myself clear here) said those words to Bush.

Never let it be said that the AGE is concerned with facts when a catchy, albeit inaccurate, headline is in the offing.

Apparently Trump does say (who knows if he does say it. The AGE is one step short of New Weekly and it's mysterious 'sources')....

To lose all of those thousands and thousands of people, on our side and their side. I mean, you have Iraqi kids, not only our soldiers, walking around with no legs, no arms, no faces. All for no reason. It is a disgrace

Perhaps Trump been living in a cave with wild bears that he can't figure out that this war has freed a terrified people from a despotic criminal?

Perhaps he has been spending too much time with his Slovakian shemale fiancee and/or figuring how to make that comb-over look even more ridiculous than it does already.

Or perhaps it's because the war effort is hampering his own developments. Hey, what's a few dead Iraqis and corrupt regime matter when Papa needs cash for a facelift?!?!

Orson Tells

A fantastic article by the entertaining Orson Scott Card.

What makes the liberal bias in the mainstream media so pernicious is that they deny that they're biased and insist that their twisted version of events is "reality," and anyone who disagrees with them is either mentally or morally suspect. In other words, they're fanatics. And, like all good fanatics, they're utterly convinced that they're in sole possession of virtue and truth.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Where's Richo?

It's hard to miss that old war horse Graham Richardson but earlier this week, he was spotted. Eating. No shit.

The Senate Intelligence Report: The Facts

A US Senate Intelligence Committee has identified that the intelligence upon which decisions to invade Iraq overstated the threat posed by Saddam.

This news has been treated with little less than sanctimonious glee by the left as vindication of their position...

This is aside from the fact that intelligence merely overstated the threat, but did not say there was no threat at all.

It is believed that Saddam did possess the following:

* chemical and biological weapons systems, plans, "recipes" and equipment, all of which could have resumed production on a moment's notice with Saddam's approval;

* reference strains of a wide variety of biological-weapons agents (found in the home of a prominent Iraqi biological warfare scientist);

* new research on brucella and Congo-Crimean hemorrhagic fever, and continuing work on ricin and aflatoxin;

* a prison laboratory complex for testing biological weapons on humans;

* long-range missiles (prohibited by United Nations resolutions) suitable for delivering WMDs;

* documents showing Saddam tried to obtain long-range ballistic missiles from North Korea; and

* facilities for manufacturing fuel propellant useful only for prohibited Scud-variant missiles.

All of these were located in Iraq once the Coalition invaded.

Saddam might not have had the ACTUAL weapons but he sure as hell could have manufactured them in a hurry. But don't forget the US was WRONG ok kids.

Further, while the left gleefully point the fingers at the Bush administration, the committee themselves have asserted that the Bush Administration did not, at any time, pressure the CIA to 'beef up' the WMD case.

The poor left. They can't take a trick.

And when they do sniff weakness, they overreact like a stage-mother at a rigged beauty pageant.

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Bob Brown: Activist, Politician, Hypocrite

I think part of the reason why Bob Brown is such a hypocrite is that his mindless followers don't particularly care.

He's like a wobbly palm tree, flush from a rabid Tsunami attack - unstable and all over the place.

Less than a month ago Brown said:

How dare this popinjay of a president interfere in Australian affairs - Australian domestic political affairs? He should pull his head in. Australian people are quite able to judge our political leaders and the diversity of opinion in this country, and we don't need President Bush, from his biased and quite small-minded point of view in Washington, telling the Australian people what they should think or what they should do.

Funny then that now, Bob is all changed around on the matter:

It was a manipulation to permit the Bush administration to carry out its prior to September 11 wish to take control of Iraq, and John Howard fell in line

Bob doesn't like the US interfering in our affairs. But he's quite happy to interfere in US affairs.

Bob Brown is a hypocrite. Fortunately for him, much of his hypocritical moments involve the US and, let's face it, US bashing to the left is like Johnny Walker to Oliver Reed. A dangerous and perverse addiction.

At least Oliver was entertaining.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Hooray for Frank!

Frank Devine continues to press the ABC for its continued biased (to the left naturally) programming. And continues to delight and entertain me in the process.

Frank is a hottie. Phillip Adams should take note of Frank and copy.

Says Frank...

ABC: Ali Salameri says his son was crippled when an American armoured vehicle crashed into his car . . . Now this usually gentle man's anger is as deep as his sorrow.

Frank: Knock it off! We've just met poor Salameri. What's the basis for the "usually gentle" characterisation? You're laying it on too thick.

I am Hamster Angry.

I think I'm going to trawl Maling Road tomorrow and badger the 'Friends of the ABC' protesters.

I might also get a Beef and Guinness Pie while I'm there. Hamsters have to eat too you know.

Give Margo a hug. Go on. You know you want to...

Margo is angry and unattractive.

But she needs hugs too. Let's turn that furrowed frown upside down!

Send Margo a hug now. Let her know you care.

Wondering what Posh and Becks are up to?

Nah me neither, until this flashed across my screen this morning.

The lusty lad has appeared in The Fast Show in a comedy skit. I don't know why the writers needed to pen a scene. Just ask Becks his opinion on anything and it's guaranteed to get a laugh (albeit at him, not with him).

I'd still give him one though.

Meanwhile, Posh is off in Peru looking at people who live on rubbish dumps. So THAT'S what happened to Baby, Scary, Ginger and Sporty.

Thursday, July 08, 2004

We need MORE farting

The Government is upset with the ABC's use of taxpayers money.


I'm of the opinion that we need MORE farting segments, some of which could replace Media Farce, the 7.30 report on anything critical of the Howard Government, and the terminal George Negus Tonight. This week, George talks about depression. No doubt ours after sitting through his show.

At least farts make me laugh.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Mark Latham's Good Twin?

The Brain
Posted by Hello

Mark Latham Posted by Hello

The resemblence between Latham and The Brain is UNCANNY.

What's the bet that, given Latham's tenuous grasp on copyright laws, we hear the following Brain-isms over the next few months...

"That man is lying. Observe the rate at which he blinks. Three times per second."
A Tony Abbott description perhaps? No love lost between those two. Latham should have learnt his lesson by now. You don't mess with Tony. He eats fat little Labor sooks for breakfast.

"It must be so inordinately taxing to be such a boob."
Ahhh, wouldn't this just be a classic Latham moment. No doubt said in parliament under parliamentary priviledge so as to protect his corwardly ass from civil action.

"Am I the only person who makes coffee around here?"
Aren't you happy you pay him $100K to make coffee. Then again, with such a dismal record of financial management, perhaps it's better that he make coffee. I'll have a double choco latte Mark and make it snappy or I'll king hit you one.

"It’s amazing you haven’t ruined my campaign Pinky."
What Latham will say to Peter Garrett after Garrett partakes of some spasmod dancing at a Labor fundraiser and scares the toothless matrons. Just try and say SORRY then you goon. Those ladies are not forgiving.

"Pinky , Microsponge is a huge computer corporation run by the world’s richest nerd."
Ok, so maybe he can do something other than make coffee. Latho can sling mud!

"I’m a little teapot short and stout. This is my handle and this is my spout. When I get all steamed up hear me shout ‘Tip me over and pour me out."
He sure is short and stout. I feel ill now at the thought of Mark getting his groove on.

As a side note, ever noticed how much Garrett looks like Pinky?

Garrett & Latham?

Why some people just shouldn't breed...

I had dinner on Sunday night with a dear friend from my halcyon days living in our nation's capital. We had dinner at Zagames in Caulfield which, although a Pokies venue, has lovely food and a killer Supa Dupa Double Chocolate Fudge Sundae.

Beware the old people though. They are tired and dazed and prone to spontaneous outburts about the good ol' days when men were men, and women got spanked.

But I digress.

We chatted at length about horrendous names parents give to children when this little pearler emerged:

'Nat: I used to know twins in Adelaide whose parents named them Ryan and.... get this.... Kynan

Me (looking incredulous): Come again?

Nat: Ryan and Kynan

Me: They were clearly fond of rhymin'. '

And odd to boot given that the names are not a perfect rhyming match.

Makes me feel like sighin'.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Retarded

Crazy John entered into a bidding war with another parent at a school auction.

Sounds innocuous enough until you find out what these two losers were bidding for (a child's painting) and the eventual price ($ 75,000 ) paid for by Loopy Anonymous Parent.

Crazy John and Loopy Anonymous Parent have proven that charities can indeed benefit from a potent mix of wealth and stupidity.